Identity, Intolerance and the Open Heart
In between Self and Wholeness
We are not dealt with the same cards in divine plan, in the cyclical vagaries of our existence. We yearn to find hope and happiness amidst it all, the colorful complexities of our human perspectives and emotions.
What is our way forward? How can we find balance? Should we remain pitifully compliant and cocoon ourselves to accept the ways of the world or remain indifferent?
The root of issues with our humankind today- from societal polarization, conflicts and everyday judgements lies in the fundamental intolerance in the human heart, often masquerading as righteous Self-view. However, we often focus on the manifestations of intolerance without delving into the cause. I use 'intolerance' with caution, as it's crucial to distinguish it from the necessary refusal to accept violations of basic human needs.
The more righteous our own idea of Self or Identity, the greater the intolerance for anything that differs from us. Our mind then starts to plot clever ways to reinforce our righteous identity, manifesting as manipulation, greed to maintain our idea of self. We feel threatened that loss of our identity means loss of our individual existence and collectively, if more people believe the same. This results in myopic actions to protect our vested individual interests.
What is our way forward- To protect or let-go of our identity?
Our path lies midway. If our desire to protect or let go comes from craving and aversion, our self-view gets more and more rigid, righteous. We want to control everything around us. Our true growth happens, when the differences we encounter gently challenge the boundaries of our identity and values and that we have the wisdom and courage to ‘hold space’ for what does not conform to our ideas of self. This is because anything that challenges our self-view, will make us uncomfortable.
When we hold space, we simply do not tolerate differences, in cold compliance- but create loving acceptance of what is ‘different from us’. Our identity is our own and so is that of others. It is not a zero-sum game.
The differences we experience has a divine purpose – to dissolve our separation. Our idea of Self is yearning to loosen its knots- to recognize the difference, as also true and real, to realize Wholeness. Any action we take from this understanding is patient, deliberate, does not yearn for attention or approval. It is just there, quietly enforcing balance and equity in the world.
Is my identity a single fixed concept? Can I hold it? Is it tangible? Is it open to change? What is it made up of – what should I eat, how should I dress, who should I love and who I should not, what values do I hold?
Our identity is fundamental to our human existence as it is for other beings on this planet. We are here, so we have an identity to function in this world. But this is not at the expense of other beings around us. Our self-view, bundled in cravings and aversive reactions, is built over eons of societal and personal conditioning meant for self-preservation. This becomes the limiting blueprint through which we function each moment.
When our view of self is not balanced with wisdom, we split everything as right or wrong.
Every breathing moment we have the opportunity to witness our own identity as a fleeting set of concepts including our views of right and wrong. Events around us may not be to our liking or personal preference but its manifestations are true in the moment. Such understanding frees us from performative actions and makes us open to hold the suffering that arises from differences.
We do not rush to replace the suffering with pleasant feelings or get rid of them but hold the discomfort tenderly for what it is.
Are we truly separate, even though our identity may claim so?
As separate as we may consider ourselves to be, our existence is deeply intertwined with every other species. Our very existence today is the effect of million different causes that worked exactly the way that it should, to manifest this very moment. There is space for all of us to co-exist and the human heart can truly contain it all. With this comes the understanding that our happiness does not lie outside the present moment and freedom is not a projection into the future.
Life is kind that ways. It is pushing us to recognize this truth every moment. The food on our table each day is due to a chain of events working in tandem- right from the time somewhere in the world a farmer chose to sow its labor of love in exchange to feed and be fed. We breathe what the plants exhale and vice-versa. So, we open our hearts and bow down in gratitude.
Our separation then, is only to experience and celebrate our form, it does not make us superlative. Perhaps, in this interconnectedness, we don’t merely exist but awaken to the boundless experience outside of Self view- An opportunity to witness the Truth that holds us all.